Susan Layton

Thus far, I have been going to “therapy” for almost two weeks, resting on both Saturday and Sunday.  I am a different me!  I feel GREAT!  It has snowed three times, rained three days, gloomy a few of the other days and sunny (but sweater weather) the rest of the time.  By this time of the year, with this kind of weather, I wouldn’t make it out of my house much.  If I wasn’t scheduled for work or at church, I would mostly be in my bed or trying to get things done around the house.  I would have such trouble in my head and cry in my pillow (or driving or wherever anyone was not).  When I would go out, everyone would think I was the happiest of people.  I would try very hard to hide my struggles with depression.  I very much dislike looking like a miserable, howling, dying cat.  (Smiling but it’s true!)

The first few days (“or so”) of my water ‘therapy’ I kept reminding myself that I am fighting against depression.  It was on my mind the entire time I was in the Lazy River, not being lazy. Ha. The next couple of days it was snowing and I just tried turning my thoughts to “it’s snowing and that’s not bad”.  I felt like Wreck-it-Ralph in “Wreck-It-Ralph” during his therapy session.  🙂  But after those days passed, I’m not there for depression anymore.  Sure, it’s the underlying purpose I get myself to the aquatic center every day and will continue to go there.  I also recognize my fight will most likely always be there.  But I’m, thankfully, to the point where I can put the thoughts of “depression – you can beat it” to “I am here and work on me” … or Instead of, “I gotta keep my head afloat today – don’t worry about the snow – I can do this!”, it’s “I said ‘good morning’ to Thelma and Kristine and Jaime and all those others and hallelujah, I feel it! I mean it!  It IS a good morning!”  Then there is this reminder: “Don’t forget how I feel today when tomorrow, next week and forever more rolls around!  This is why I come!”

So, you’re like, the title, Susan!  Why did you title this blog “My Suit is Suiting Me Well” and you haven’t mentioned a suit?  Well, I’m gearing up to that.  Water therapy requires suiting up for the water.  Yeah. (dot, dot, dot) Sigh.  Having to suit up everyday, I wanted to feel like I could walk in the water and not yell “SPIDER!” as I point across the pool, hoping all the heads would turn the other way.  (Smiling, laughing, yeah, I think I’m funny!  What can I say? Hehe. But the spider thing, yeah, felt!)  Anyways, I deliberately bought a black suit and a pair of free flowing black shorts to wear during my water therapy.  ‘Deliberately’ meaning black and black.  I didn’t buy it out of depression, but one that might hide my pear-shape uhhh …. whats the word … attributes.  Yeah, attributes.  The attributes I don’t feel as comfortable with while in a swimsuit.  😀  Susan, that’s weird.  Too bad.  BUT,  what has made me feel more confident is this: my new bravery suit (translation: swimsuit) feels good and fits in the all the right places (a rare moment), and if I’m gonna be honest (and I’m gonna because this is what this blog is about – insecure me learning to love me) – dang it, the suit looks good on me, pear-shape and all!  The bonus: The compliments!  Didn’t expect them – at all! But they come and it feels so good!!

What’s your favorite part of getting well – physically, mentally or spiritually?  What have you done to get yourself on your healthy path?  Mine was getting a swimsuit I can live with.  Share with me your thoughts and comments below!

(A new friend at the pool asked where I got my swimsuit – so for you, my darling, here it is: )